We just celebrated Laurel’s first Halloween, which is Shawn’s favorite holiday. He started bugging me to start watching horror movies back in August (ok, he almost always bugs me to watch horror movies…), but come October, we were in full on spook-mode. October is a fun month for us. We celebrate our anniversary, there’s Halloween to look forward to, we do our annual Fall Fest tradition with some of our best friends…it’s no surprise that it flies by. Here I am on November 1st, though, thinking, “wasn’t it just summer?”
I swear, I don’t have a gun to her back, that’s just the face she gives me
My friends all warned me how quickly Laurel’s first year would go. I believed them, but as I sat in the NICU last Christmas season where the days creep by at a snail’s pace and the time to go home felt like it would never come, I had a hard time understanding it. Yet here we are, Halloween has passed and Thanksgiving is only 22 days away – I totally get it now. What happened?
My friend just gave us pictures from Laurel’s baptism back in April. April! I was just about to go back to work. I see her tiny little body barely filling her baptism gown and can barely fathom the months that have passed. I don’t think time has sped up any, but when you have a small human by which to measure time, it just feels that much faster. Every time I sit down to write an update, I find myself distracted by yet another thing to do. My life suddenly feels like an endless list of tasks to be accomplished, people to be called, dishes to wash, bills to pay, blah blah blah…
Every night as Shawn and I sit down for an hour or so of vegging before bed, we sometimes just sit there talking and watching my photo stream float by on the Apple TV. Most of them are of Laurel nowadays (with a few of the cat and food thrown in for good measure). It’s all going so fast and I know with the holidays upon us, it’s going to feel even faster.
My time is no longer marked by a date. Instead, I have these memories of the first time Laurel rolled over, or when she stopped being afraid of the car toy that makes noise when it rolls, or her first pumpkin patch with her cousin from Spain. I’ll be holding on to that thought even as the tears stream down my face singing her “Happy Birthday” in 5 weeks. What a gift it is to experience these days through the eyes of my girl.
Ah, there’s that smile…