NOTES ON TURNING 33

by Carmel on August 28, 2013 · 26 comments

Today is my 33rd birthday. Birthdays are still, and always will be, a big deal to me.

I believe birthdays should be celebrated with the zest of young children because – hey, we’re alive. That’s something to celebrate, right? In past years, I’ve gathered friends to go to a concert, taken over an entire karaoke bar, thrown myself a BBQ/gameday extravaganza, had huge dinners out, made huge dinners in, gone on hikes, spoiled myself with manicures and mimosas…I like to celebrate.

So, why, on my 33rd birthday sitting here at my uncle’s cabin in one of my favorite places on earth, am I so meh about it all?

I was talking to my friend Eve-Maridy earlier this week about our upcoming journey and found myself saying, “I crave change, but I also resist it.” Shawn and I have huge changes coming our way. Changes that excite me and motivated me to save and uproot my whole life in Portland, yet I still resist them. I know once I get on the road and get over my fears and missing people, I’ll be happy with my decision. It’s what kept me motivated all that time…but it doesn’t mean it’s not hard.

Yesterday after we finished our boat ride around the lake, Eve-Maridy said, “we have to go jump off the end of the dock and take a picture. Will you do it with me??” It was 7pm, the water didn’t seem all that warm and I kinda just wanted dinner…but really, why wouldn’t I?

It’s going to be a good year. Sometimes you just gotta jump in.

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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

Kellie August 28, 2013 at 11:13 am

Happy Birthday Carmel.

Love that picture, but wow that water looks cold!
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Carmel August 28, 2013 at 10:05 pm

It was surprisingly warm. I thought it would be freezing, but we ended up swimming for a half hour or so. It felt pretty dang good.

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Gillian @GlobalBookshelf August 28, 2013 at 11:20 am

Happy birthday Carmel!!! Sounds like you have a case of ‘overwhelm’ going on. Roll with it my friend and, like you say, just jump in!
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Carmel August 28, 2013 at 10:05 pm

Serious case. But I think it’ll be ok. Best to acknowledge it and move on, I guess.

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Carol August 28, 2013 at 11:46 am

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Wow, we have a lot in common! It’s my birthday today too and the countdown to starting our long term travel adventure is down to just 6 days! Yes, it’s friggin’ terrifying to just jump in! These last few months of dwindling our belongings down to the minimum and the many goodbyes have been very emotionally draining. Yet it feels good to have the hard work and planning coming together. We’re finally at a point of getting excited about our first destination – Bali – and the anxiety about everything else is fading. Hope it’ll be the same for you guys.
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Carmel August 28, 2013 at 10:06 pm

Very happy birthday to you! Great day to be born, if I do say so myself. 😉 It is unbelievably draining and we haven’t even had to say goodbye to my two best friends and my family…ugh. The hard work is mostly over, though, and we’re just trying to enjoy the days we have left with family at this point.

Can’t wait to hear about Bali!!

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Sally August 28, 2013 at 2:12 pm

Yay for birthdays and jumping off docks! (Love the pic by the way.) I totally understand the whole resisting/loving change dilemma. I’m kind of going through that myself right now. While I’m excited about my new life/job/what-have-you, I’m also like “THIS IS SO HARD! I WANT TO GO BACK TO ALL THAT STUFF I ALREADY KNOW HOW TO DO! Gahhhhh!”
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Carmel August 28, 2013 at 10:08 pm

Ugh, I completely understand. Routine is so booooor-ing…but at least it’s familiar. I have been getting sad thinking about missing out on the pumpkin patch this fall and our annual Halloween horror movie night with our good friends, and Christmas, and cool weather and familiarity…but after 3 weeks away, I REALLY don’t miss working and getting up at 5:30. It’ll be ok. I know it will be. I also know it’ll be over all too soon.

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Tracy August 28, 2013 at 4:00 pm

Jump, Carmel, jump!!!!

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Carmel August 28, 2013 at 10:08 pm

Done and done.

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Hannah August 28, 2013 at 6:51 pm

Happiest of birthdays to you my dear! Enjoy these first few days of being 33, and last few days of life as you know it. It’s a terrifyingly delicious place to find yourself, perched right on the edge of all that you have been working towards, with untold adventures ahead. Now go make a splash xxx

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Carmel August 28, 2013 at 10:09 pm

Terrifyingly delicious. I love it. I seriously made a splash today as I fell over trying to water ski…but I tried something new and that’s something.

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Rika | Cubicle Throwdown August 28, 2013 at 10:01 pm

Happy birthday Carmel!! What a big year 33 will be for you. Wishing you the best adventures!! xx
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Carmel August 28, 2013 at 10:10 pm

To think…we might be back here (in Priest Lake) for my next birthday. I can’t imagine the changes that will happen between now and then…thank you!

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Jimmy Dau August 29, 2013 at 12:43 pm

Change is good an inevitable. As long you’re moving in the right direction everything will be just fine. Happy birthday!
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Carmel August 30, 2013 at 8:59 pm

Absolutely. It’s funny that we resist change when we have zero choice in whether or not it happens. It’s a matter of trusting my instincts at this point!

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Sarah Somewhere August 29, 2013 at 1:23 pm

Happy happy birthday beautiful Carmel!! I love, love that awesome photo of you ladies 🙂
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Carmel August 30, 2013 at 9:00 pm

Thanks so much, bella!

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Steph (@ 20 Years Hence) August 29, 2013 at 6:49 pm

Happy happy birthday, Carmel! I predict it’s only going to get better for you, but you’ve definitely kicked it off in style! I’m definitely thinking the 30s are when awesome ladies really come into their prime! 😀
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Carmel August 30, 2013 at 9:02 pm

Thanks, Steph! Honestly, I really think my 30s, as tumultuous as they have been already, have been some of the best years of my life. I started them off by marrying Shawn, so that set things off in a good direction. 🙂

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Kim August 29, 2013 at 7:15 pm

Love. love love love. Happy birthday dear. And, I totally get it. I am SO resisting leaving again to go travel. I’ve gotten so comfortable or… something. I don’t know what it is, but my resistance is huge. It’s just something to work through. XO I can’t wait until you guys are writing from the road.
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Carmel August 30, 2013 at 9:09 pm

I can’t wait either. The closer we get, the more excited I’m getting. I’m starting to let go of my need for routine and embrace the newness of it all. Weird not having a “home,” per se, but I’m actually getting used to it (I say this while I still have my cat and bed sitting only 174 miles from me….)

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Maddie September 2, 2013 at 8:51 am

Happy belated birthday lovely lady! You can feel the joy in that photo, love it 🙂
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Carmel September 2, 2013 at 6:11 pm

Thank you, Maddie!!

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